Baring Myself!


It’s been a minute and I hope you have enjoyed every second.

Today I will be sharing very personal issues which I never do, but then I realized I started a blog for this purpose. For the most part, I’m never able to fully commit to sharing everything about myself with one person… I would rather repress all of that. Not because I don’t trust but because I hate the thought of placing what I feel on another person. But today I’m baring my thoughts on my blog.

The past weeks have been really eventful…. I got a job, I got done with my project defense, my sister got married. All of these even though they have been great, there were also moments that were not so great. Now rewind to this past weekend I thought “hey! So much has been going on maybe now you get a break”. But nahhhh…. life dealt me some hard blow that I spent the most part of Sunday curled up in a ball crying.

Recently, there have been constant reminders of what it means to be a woman in our society with emphasis on settling down and getting a husband. For the most part I was unbothered but now I am because even though you feel like there’s time, society begins to mount so much pressure you are almost suffocating. I am constantly questioning myself and the decisions which I have taken if they were right for me. Now I’m bothered…will I ever find the right kind of love? will I ever find someone to love me for who I am? Will I ever find someone who will reciprocate all the love I have in my heart.

I learnt from this weekend that loving someone does not mean they have to love you back. And for every step forward I took I could never have carried them with me if they weren’t willing neither could I have wished it. Maybe I could have done something different…. maybe I could have loved better but then again I am who I am. And from what I know, love is a decision and your ability to commit to loving that one person requires a lot of dedication and strength. Someone told me being committed to one person means you are answerable to that one person. I actually never looked at it that way even though I knew how deep being committed is…and for the most part I don’t think it’s such a bad thing. There’s no shame in loving that one person and there’s no shame in wanting to spend the rest of your life with that one person.

Relationships come with ups and downs, the good, the bad and then some ugly. However, I have always looked at it as a learning experience…. I may not end up spending the rest of my life with you but I should be able to have such balance in that relationship that I do not question the rest of my life with you. I should be able to love you without questioning your feelings for me. One low point for me was asking my partner if they could eventually love me…. It was heart wrenching to see that I could love someone that much and they did not reflect that love right back. But I’m learning to come to terms with that.

I’m not ashamed to say:

Yes, I would like to get married sooner rather than later because I’m ready to share the love I have with the right person (of course at God’s appropriate time).

Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life loving that one person… being committed to that one person.

Yes, I want the right kind of love because I deserve it…. I want a love that makes me want to do better…. I want a love that is reciprocated and reflects God’s love.

I want a kind of love where I’m not ashamed to show how much I love you or scared to tell you how much I love you because I’m worried you may never be able to love me the same way.

I deserve the right kind of love because I love myself and I know what the right kind of love feels like.

I would like to hear and read from everyone on what your thoughts are. Do you feel this same pressure? How do you deal with it? And how do you eventually get over not being loved by that one person?

Have a great week everyone. Let the right kind of love find you.


22 Replies to “Baring Myself!”

  1. Thank you for your honesty… and I just want you to know you that you not alone… At one point in our lives we tend to break down even if we initially thought there was never a problem. Just calm down and see how things fall in place.

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      Its good to know I’m not alone. I still believe everything works out in its own time. Thank you!

  2. What a bold step dear.. nice one i must really say, i know d feeling.. love dey say takes time 2 can be heartbreaking when d love is one sided esp when u’re trying ur best 2 make it work buh d truth about it is u’l keep tearing urself apart, u shld try 2 let him know how u feel about it.. and also try 2 know if exactly d both of u are on d same page.. fins will work itself out with time.. take it cool, u will be fine.

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      Thank you love!

  3. I am in same shoes as you and actually recovering from having your heart thrown back at you, I mean you get to die everyday (its that deep) whenever you remember good times, its a nasty feeling though but taking the advice from a friend…

    “Forget about what you want, work hard and focus on the now, everything you want will come to you in due time, you cant be picky in Life, God gives.”

    There would be someone who will appreciate and Love you in every way for who you are no matter how much your flaws and you too will feel same and see how easy you guys flow — Hope Speaking!

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      yes! Somehow we will always find the right path. thank you!

  4. Okay.. a frnd of mine linked me to this blog, Onyinyechi Nwuche… and I must say its good to see a young girl saying letting out her thoughts without fear of the unkown… I definitely believe you would get your heart desires soonest, God Bless…

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      thank you!

  5. I must say I am so proud of how bold you are to share this . I know it’s not easy .We don’t choose who we fall in love with , the same way we can’t choose who reciprocates it . We only just trust our hearts to lead us to the right place . The fact that someone does not reciprocate your love does not mean that you are not a great woman ! It only means that they can’t see that greatness . You should feel good , not every one appreciates fine wine . It may seem really difficult now , but have a little faith … trust your heart … if he is not the one ,he is not the one . And if he is , sometimes people need to almost lose you to know how great you are . Through it all just be happy , enjoy that new job of yours , spend time with your friends that love you and let God work .

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      thank you so much! you are amazing

  6. So someone sent this to me personally because she was having issues posting her comment:


    tj. this was a a nice read. you’re not alone in this and i read this thinking the whole time ‘wow i’m not the only one going through this’ cause i recently went through something like that myself. just got out of a relationship i was was very devoted to and serious about. we went from telling each other everyday to not talking for days and being okay with it. it was heart wrenching to finally let go, i swear but i somewhat felt brave cause it was indeed what i feared the most. i still find myself wondering if i didn’t love enough, if i loved too much, should i have held on? but when i search my heart, i know i gave it my BEST and there was nothing i could have done more. we are not perfect but we definitely deserve a love that makes us better and a love that chooses everyday to be committed and try harder and i hope we all find that someday in Gods time of course.

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      so after reading this i felt somewhat comforted.

      this morning while chatting with a friend i wrote:

      ‘you can either love me or you don’t…you either want to spend the rest of your life with me or you don’t….we aren’t forced to love a person….we make a choice to do so. there shouldn’t be the let’s stay together i will learn to love you or i will grow to love you’

      and her reply to me was

      ‘there’s art in pain’

      the right kind of love will definitely find us.

  7. Some times looking for what we feel we need never brings us the desired result. It hurts not getting what you want but you should focus on other aspects of your life. Someone who loves all of you will come your way soon.

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      i wish focusing on other aspects of life were as easy as it is said. eventually though one learns to let go of hurt.

      thank you!

  8. Your not alone darling…. but have learnt one thing we didn’t create ourselves…. so why worry when your maker knows the end from the beginning Everything will work out at God’s appropriate time… in his time you are not late but you are right on time.
    You have already envisioned what you want darling….. Trust me he’s working behind the scenes to give you that with icing on it…..Ag the end Love will find us all… Can I hear a big Amen🙏

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      Amen! thank you darling!

  9. The purity of your honesty is beautiful.
    We all hope to find that special love and truusssss mi yours is definitely on its way.
    Beautiful piece maami !!

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      thank you Jacob. means a lot

  10. There’s never a right way to get over somebody you loved, time is all you need it’ll eventually happen. You were right when you said “Love is a choice”. But truth is we’ll write and write same things over again and try to be logical but some things aren’t especially when it comes to relationships. I believe some unions are Devine, made in heaven. Just keep praying and stay steadfast to God, your time will come. You’ll be fine Tedje 🙂

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      thank you so much. i will definitely do alright in the end

  11. First off congratulations on your new job and project defence! Those are really big moves.
    It’s weird how much I relate to this. I’ve been single for a very very long time because I promised myself that I would not waste my time on someone I couldn’t imagine being married to. Sometimes I think “kilode I’ve tried please. Let me just date someone and stop being so picky” but then I know that would be a big mistake. I’m very intense. When I’m focused on one person, it’s total& complete. Sadly, No one (atleast not the guys I’m interested in) seems to be able to match that intensity& commitment. I’ve seen up close how bad relationships can get when two people are not on the same page at all& I know plenty people say this but TRUST ME you’re better off being single than being with someone who doesn’t appreciate how much love you can give. You will probably hurt for a while..but you will heal because you have to. lol the single life is really not that bad honestly. You are awesome. His loss.

    1. Tedje Oteheri says: Reply

      Thank you soul sister! This means so much ❤

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